Haven’t read the NME in so long

An American’s journey on the New Musical Express
Soundtrack: Art Brut

Don’t know what genre we belong
Yes, even being American, I’m well aware that the NME is evil incarnate. The thing about it...it’s so unlike American music magazines. And yes, tabloid-ish. But still, it’s so British. The first issue I ever read was the fannish inquisition with Franz Ferdinand. I couldn’t stop laughing. I’d never read a magazine like that. The humor, the derision. I mean, even the captions take the piss. I guess since I’m not under the long arm, or having to live amongst the people it brainwashes, I just see it as a magazine. Certainly not journalism, but it serves a purpose.

I don’t read it very often (the price tag here - $5.50!! - is enough of a deterrent), but I pick it up once in a while if there’s something I’m interested in. Come to think of it, I think this is only the third time. This time it was a teeny tiny piece on Dirty Pretty Things, Carl Barât’s new band. Happened to be the issue with the Arctic Monkeys on the cover (how cocky does Alex look??). I bought in on Thursday, in this little news seller in SoHo...and it was the only copy left. Apparently I wasn’t the only one aware of the hype. My copy was a bit damaged, but I decided to get it anyway. (I guess this means I'm not selling it on ebay...haha)

If memory serves, we’re still on a break
Pages 6-7: Carlbând coverage
Well, it might as well be called that, for all they talked to the other members. I am excited about this band. Maybe cause I get to be in on it from the ground floor. The live recordings I’ve heard sound promising. Carl’s lack of confidence and ego always amazes me. I enjoyed this, particularly – they asked him if having three people singing at once are a reflection of how the songs were written, and he answered, “They’ve come up with parts and stuff, they’ve certainly had an input because we’re a band. That’s why we didn’t come out as ‘Carl Barât’. And I hate my name!”

Of course they played up the fact that he used the word “hiatus” when referring to the Libertines, and he admitted that another album is a possibility. Bloody tease.

It’s got nothing to do with anything I’ve had to drink/It’s more to do with the way I think
Flipping through: Oh, the ads, the ads. All those singles. I’ve lamented recently on the lack of a singles market in America. *is jealous*

Who the fuck is Charlie Simpson? All I know about Fightstar is that they were the big joke at Leeds and people wanted to see them to throw things at them.

I just wanna find a drug that works
Pages 18-19: the Letters page, edited by Barry Nicholson

(Barry Nicholson, I just think of that picture someone once posted on a forum asking who he was, and how all the girls thought he was so hot. And someone on the forum is friends with him. Bizarre. His editorial interjections make me laugh, though. Oh yeah, he can edit my letters any day.)

Blah blah blah Pete Doherty blah blah blah

Stay off the crack

There's a noise in his head and he's out of control
Pages 20-21: Lupen Crook
Here’s one that escaped the child psychologists. Although he’s probably doing all of it to get a reaction, that’s what people like him do. I downloaded two songs by him, though I haven’t listened to them yet, but others were saying they were quite good.

I did like his insight, “If you shone a certain type of light in this room, you’d be able to see a tangle of ideas and thoughts bouncing around the room. Some would be jagged, some would be pearly. Some would head off into outer space for 3,000 years before bouncing back off a mirror and hitting someone else in the head on the way down.” It’s always people like him who come up with brilliant things like that off the top of their heads.

Formed a band, we formed a band/Look at us, we formed a band
Pages 26-29: Arctic Monkeys (aka not just the next big thing)

This band is one of the favorite thing for music enthusiasts to argue about these days. The real thing or hype? Does it matter? Perhaps my favorite part of the article was this sentence, “While Alex Kapranos busies himself namechecking Aleksandr Rodchenko, Arctic Monkeys write songs for you and me.” It’s true. For someone who is anti-elitism, Kapranos throws around obscure references that are quite elitist. They call Alex Turner a lyrical genius, and I suppose if you live in Britain he is. To me, his lyrics are straightforward, not overly profound, but they apparently encapsulate a whole existence for Brits. His social commentary is lost on Americans, but lucky for him, the songs are still accessible and quite enjoyable. Of course, the paragraph goes on to say that “Arctic Monkeys write songs for you and me...for people who aren’t from New York City.” Oh well, sucks to be me, I guess.

I love the dialect. I have never before heard/read/seen “were” used as “was” before, but they say it often, and it’s just a bit charming. (But of course any British dialect is charming to an American, eh?)

Caption of the issue is one for a picture of the guys, with Alex holding a pint, “When the royalties come flooding in, the Monkeys will be able to afford a pint of beer each.” AND there’s a picture of them onstage at Leeds. That’s more of them on stage then I saw actually being there.

Sometimes it’s hard to stop, when your heart is set on top of the pops, top of the pops

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Interlude
Popular culture no longer applies to me

Arctic Monkeys and The Paddingtons back to back... I feel so old. Some of these bands, it’s borderline pedophilia for me to look at any of the bandmembers twice. Truth be told, I’ve noticed that lately, instead of being gripped with the desire to have their babies – with a few notable exceptions – I’m instead gripped with the desire to FEED them. Jesus, are they skinny. (Yes, the transformation into my mother has begun.)
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Stop buying your albums from the supermarket
Pages 37-43: The reviews...I read the album reviews in Entertainment Weekly this week (we don’t do singles, remember?), too. I could cry at the difference of names listed. But anyway.

Test Icicles. Really, it’s so obvious, it’s almost not funny. The review rocks, though, for having the nerve to say that the Beatles weren’t all that. Amen, son.

Reading the review for Arcade Fire’s Wake Up, “Something Filled up my heart with nothing/Someone told me not to cry...I guess they’ll just have to adjust,” I’ve realized that I like their lyrics more than I like their music. Lucky I read that or I would never have known how beautiful they are.

But the Kaiser Chief’s Modern Way “sublime?!” Uh, okay, if you say so.

It’s not irony and it’s not rock and roll, we’re just talking to the kids
Pages 46-58: Gig reviews and ads

The NME Rock’n’Roll Riot Tour. I would have loved to have seen this, just for another chance to see Maxïmo Park. I’m jealous. They’re so good when they’re here, but I just bet they save something extra for their home shows. Boo. But I’ve made a convert. A good friend of mine went to the show in Glasgow, with the Kaiser Chiefs and The Cribs being two of her favorite bands, she said that if MP are as good as I say, they have a lot to live up to for her. Afterwards, she greeted me with, “How good are Maxeeemo? Hello my new favorite live band, I love you.” *smug* And you’ve gotta love a frontman who is bookish, reads the lyrics from a book on stage when he loses his “little red book,” and admits that the only time he’d visited the Apollo in Manchester was for an English conference. *loves* “Whisper it, Maxïmo Park are becoming a big band.” Sigh/yay.

Runner up caption of the issue is for a picture of Ricky Kaisers crowdsurfing: “An inflatable brontosaurus is lifted above the throng during the Kaisers’ set.” Ok, so his face is a bit chubby, but why does everyone persist in calling him fat?

And, OH. MY. GOD. RYAN CRIBS. IS. WEARING. THAT. SAME. DAMN. SHIRT. Complete with new (and old, I’m sure) beer stains. Someone teach that boy how to do laundry!!

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Interlude 2
I don’t wanna girl that’s with the band/I just want a girl who’s gonna hold my hand

These girls at the shows, how do they all look so damn stylish? Man. You know, if I looked more like that, maybe I’d actually go over and talk to the band members after shows. Or not. Depends on whether I have a sandwich with me.
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There’s not much glam about the English weather
Sigh. All these ads for gigs. I want to move to the UK just for the music scene. Irony being, I get to see these bands in smaller venues than people there have been able to for ages. I just have to wait longer for them to get here, and it takes more time in between.

There’s no shame in giving in
Is it awful to admit that I’ve actually really enjoyed this issue? Yes? Oh well, don’t tell anyone, okay?